How can Controlling Behavior
Be Changed?
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- Sister Faiza
- 25, Dec 2023
- 2 Min Read
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How can Controlling Behavior be Changed?
My experience in helping numerous clients attain their therapeutic goals has led me to explain how controlling behavior can be changed. To understand how the change happens, it is also important to recognize the signs of controlling behavior. Many of the common signs include:
Refusing to Compromise
Controlling people are usually inflexible and insist that everything needs to go their way. They commonly refuse to consider where others are coming from, nor are they open to hearing suggestions. They are also not willing to agree to disagree because they have extreme belief in the idiom “my way or the highway”.
Constant Use of Criticism
They might be highly judgmental of other’s choices and insist that others should do things the way they would do them. In their mind, they are being helpful because they assume that they know what is best for their loved ones. For example, they may discourage their partner from achieving their goals or make hurtful and sarcastic jokes about their partner’s career choice.
They Isolate Their Partner from Family and Friends
A controlling person might be irrationally jealous of others being in their partner’s life, even if it is family members and friends. They may insist on always knowing where their partner has been or use aggression when their partner spends time with other people. They may even prevent their partner from seeing their family and friends.
They Blame Others
Controlling people frequently blame others for their own misfortune. It is much easier to blame others because it takes away their responsibility to improve their own life. Blaming others does not help because it leads you to feeling powerless and this manifests as using aggression.
They Do Not Respect Boundaries
Boundaries are limitations of what you are willing to allow, give, and do for others. Controlling people usually do not respect other’s boundaries. They will commonly pressure others to have more collapsed boundaries and make others feel obligated to follow their demands.
Their Behavior is Unpredictable
Controlling people can go from feeling happy to abruptly using aggression to being calm again. A relationship with a controlling person can feel like a heavenly honeymoon when things are going well but can turn right back into being toxic at any point. It is difficult to predict when they are going to snap and get out of control.
They Try to Change Their Partner
A controlling person might be highly critical of their partner’s appearance or insist that they wear certain types of clothes. They may ridicule their partner’s interests and pressure them to adopt their interests. It is common for a person to control other people when they do not have enough self-control.
They Use Intimidation
Intimidating behavior may come in different forms. Threats that are both violent and non-violent are intimidating factors. A controlling person might threaten to reveal a deep secret or make their partner lose parental rights of the children. They may even threaten to hurt their partner or family member.
How Can Controlling Behavior be Changed?
Awareness, Awareness, Awareness:
Awareness is known to be very helpful in changing behavior. Acknowledge what happens when you are feeling an unpleasant emotion. Perhaps your breathing becomes more rapid, or you start talking loudly, or you have thoughts of revenge. These are examples of important warning signs that you can use as cues to know that it is time to walk away from the situation and use healthy ways of coping.
Individual counseling:
Counseling can provide education on helpful ways of responding to situations that you cannot control. A counselor can also provide you with healthy coping skills to respond to the reality of not being able to control others. Moreover, it can help you understand the features of a healthy relationship.
Practice feeling your feelings:
It is common to try rushing into feeling better when we notice an uncomfortable emotion; however, it is very important to allow yourself to be with your feelings so that they can pass through. Suppressing emotions can lead to outbursts. Feeling your feelings is a skill that can help you process emotions and control your behavior.
Focus on understanding where your partner is coming from:
It is easy for us to know what we want from others. It is very important to take the time to understand what your partner wants. For example, you may want your partner to be ambitious, but they may not want to be ambitious because it is not the life they are used to living.
Accept the things you cannot change:
There is a lot of power in acceptance. Acceptance of the things you cannot change can guide you to solutions and help you control the parts of life that you can change. For example, you may not be able to change your partner into a more ambitious person, but you can accept that they are not a compatible match with you and discontinue the relationship. After processing your emotions, you can consider a different person who is a more compatible match for you.
At Caring Therapist, I am here to help you achieve your goals. I understand how to provide effective support and guidance to help you improve your emotional health and wellbeing. Let me help you on your journey towards a happier, healthier life.
For more information on Caring Therapist, contact me today: